Is it possible to change your reality by changing your beliefs? Are your beliefs embedded at a cellular level? I feel it’s worth exploring and experimenting with. That’s what we’ll be talking about in this episode!
After an unexpected hiatus, I’m back with a new episode and some beautiful intro music created especially for us by Fabrizio Seli of Milan, I found Fabrizio on Fiverr and it was the best five bucks I’ve ever spent. I just love the feel of the piece he created for this podcast.
The podcast was invented as a way to share my personal journey as I seek to regain my balance in this crazy thing we call life, and not intended as advise. In the last few weeks, I’ve had some ups and downs and setbacks. Lucky for me, I have found a wonderful life coach and energy worker who is guiding me with powerful visualization techniques to bust through my self-inflicted barriers. It might just be mind over matter but I am beginning to see a pattern emerge how I’ve recreated similar patterns in my life. If I can deeply explore my personal story and everything I believe about it, perhaps I can rewrite a future (as well as a present) that is fulfilling and joyous. If I can truly change how I believe, think, act and react, I am pretty sure a new and improved Lisa will emerge.
I’ve tiptoed all around this concept in previous episodes but didn’t really hit the nail on the head. In the process of seeking, this is where I have been lead.
It took me more than 50 years to reach my current state of discontent and I have been able to make remarkable strides in how I feel in a very short period of time.
It certainly takes a great amount of effort and determination on my part. Although I have not seen drastic changes in my outer world, I have felt more energetic, uplifted, and hopeful, plus my perception of my immediate surroundings has evolved through the awareness that I alone have brought it into my existence. I may not have “manifested” those miracles in my life yet, however; it’s miraculous in itself to face each day with strength and joy. To wake up and say, “I move through my day with grace and ease,” and to believe it!
Now what you create for your own personal visualization or what technique you choose, is entirely up to you. I’ll share what emerged for me, how I use it on a daily basis, and what is replacing my previously negative feelings and beliefs that are most likely the culprits holding me back from living the life I know I was meant to live.
So, after allowing what was probably an innocent scenario to affect my self-worth to the core level, I needed to do a little clearing and explore what triggered me and why I went back down that fricken rabbit hole again.
I started by taking deep cleansing breaths and seeing myself grounded to the center of the earth while surrounded by a healing bubble of energy. I saw my grounding as a cord made up of many red strands all woven together. Next, I visualized a golden energy going from the top of my head and into the heavens. I did my best to clear my head of my surroundings and thoughts and just be in that space for a few minutes. Just be in acceptance and love.
Then I imagined myself in a beautiful safe space. When I have done this visualization in the past, my space has been a magical meadow just outside a forest. This time, I was on a sunny, secluded beach. I recalled how I felt when I was triggered. Not so much what I THOUGHT but where I physically FELT that trigger in my body. I saw the trigger as a color – which happened to be a sort of muddy orange. I imagined pulling that blob of color out of my body and throwing it up on a blank movie screen in front of me. Then, I fished around for anything else that felt like that color and drew it out and onto the screen. I needed to blow it up and replace it with something that felt soothing and pure. For me, that was intricate shades of purples. The muddy orange that represented my negative feelings turned into a sort of mud monster / mud puddle that wanted to grab me. I asked to be given a tool to blow it up and in my mind, I was handed a toy laser gun. I zapped the shit out of that mud monster and it disappeared into nothing.
In the days that followed this visualization, every time I have held a negative thought or engaged in a belief that I know is not my genuine self, I have looked for the space in my body where I physically felt that thought, have drawn the mud monster out, and ZAPPED it, then replaced it with pure light and good intentions. I took my visualization one step further and ordered a toy laser gun just to make it more fun and playful.
I have NOT beaten myself up over the thoughts. Instead, I have felt gratitude for the ability to recognize them and stop them in their tracks. I’ve been able to ask myself what purpose they serve and what is the source of the belief inside me that causes them to emerge. What is it that I realize and how can I turn this into a positive energy from which to grow?
What story have I repeatedly told myself that no longer serves me or those around me? How many of those stories were simply the perceptions of others that I believed to be true?
Here’s an example. Growing up, I heard my father tell me I was “half-assed” so many times that I believed, on a cellular level, that I could do nothing well enough. I felt others would constantly judge me and perceive me as being a failure. In my false belief that I could not do anything right, I also believed that I was not worthy of the good things in life. It was engrained in my young mind, that in order to succeed, one had to achieve this sort of perfection, something I would never accomplish. What utter bullshit that is!!
In my present day, feeling trapped in a job where I can never have the tools, information or communication I need to do my absolute best, I am perpetuating that story, as well as not having the paycheck I should be earning. I was making about a third more than I am now ten years ago. I was also in a space where I felt appreciated, accepted, and had unlimited creative energy. I believed I was worthy and valued. I’ve had to really dig deep to discover what turned that around in moving to Vermont. What did I believe or create that dragged me back to the old ways of thinking and feeling that I know do not serve me?
I have become hypnotized by the matrix of my outer environment and have come to expect the lack of financial freedom, love, and my chaotic surroundings almost as if I have become addicted to them. I have drawn relationships and circumstances into my life that perpetuate the feeling that it is all I deserve. Again, I call BULLSHIT!
In the past few weeks that I have not created a new podcast to share, I have been working diligently to CHOOSE to change my reaction to these thoughts and feelings, to unlearn the old habits that keep me imprisoned. To wake up each day, visualizing that I will express my divinity in light and love and to maintain that vibration, no matter the challenges or tests thrown my way. I zap my inner conflicts when they arise with my toy laser gun and replace the thoughts with love. The people who try to control me, drag me to their level, or their drama, beliefs or ways of thinking, are seen with empathy. I see them as opportunities to strengthen who I know I am and to maintain my inner balance.
One thing I do not do in my little mind games, is take too seriously. I see it as simply that – a game. I create my own court on which to play. In order to be sucked into other people’s games, I have to be present on THEIR court. It’s usually skewed to their limited perceptions, and I have the ability to choose NOT to play!
We humans have this incredible gift of metacognition in which we have the ability to think about what we are thinking! We can hold onto these thoughts for days, months, or even years!
If we get caught up on the game of feeling negativity – whether that’s fear, anxiety, depression, envy – it’s like your body is telling you that you’re caught up in a belief that is not honoring who you are.
In neuroplasticity, our brains form and recognize these synaptic connections, and we replay that wiring again and again as if the original circumstance is happening NOW. You get what you feel. If our unconscious self is wired to believe we are not worthy, that is the behavior we draw out.
If we can choose to pay attention to our negative self-talk, and peel off the layers that make us believe these things, that perpetuate the same scenarios to b e drawn into our lives over and over again, can we change our lives?
Quantum physics tells us if we can give up these outmoded beliefs, we CAN change our outer worlds. All the power we need is inside ourselves. But we have to change our thinking first.
Instead of going through our day on auto pilot, and being completely stuck in a fabrication we’ve created in our minds, we can take a moment to stop and listen. We can ask ourselves, “Is this what I really believe?” “Is this serving my higher good or helping others?”
Instead of getting caught up in someone else’s drama, or gossip, or limiting beliefs, can you choose to see it as their story, their game, that you have the choice to play? Instead of holding judgment, can you perceive their game as simply what they have chosen to create and view them with love and acceptance? If we get caught up in it, or deny it, we are just giving it more fuel. “What you resist persists.”
Another example is my son. No matter what I do to keep a neat, organized and clean home, that boy is going to clutter it and leave messes in his path. Dishes and empty bottles everywhere, nothing put back where it belongs. No matter what I do to get him to be accountable for his messes, he leaves an obstacle course for me to navigate to function in my own home. I have asked him to take the trash out for three solid days. I have refused to do it for him because that needs to be his responsibility. I woke up this morning to discover he still had not taken the trash out. The dog got into it and dragged bits and pieces of it all over my living room. It’s not the dog’s fault. She smelled something she couldn’t resist in the trash that was overflowing. My normal response would be to blow up at my son and to be angry that he clutters my home and has no sense of picking up after himself. I’ll beg, plead, reason with him to no avail. This morning as he was getting ready for work, he had yet another excuse why he could not take out the damned trash. Rather than become enraged, I simply told him he WOULD take the trash out before he left, NO EXCUSES accepted! I stated in a matter of fact way what I needed to happen with no emotion or judgment. I did not give him any wiggle room to bypass the trash. I left it at that and went about my day. I ignored his angry responses and his attempts to resist his responsibility. I refused to get sucked into his story. Guess what? As simple as it sounds, the boy took the trash out.
If you can objectively ask yourself what the blessing is in anything that is presented to you on your path, if you can truly express appreciation for what you are shown or given – whether positive or negative, can you truly change your thinking and your reality? The trash may be a simple, silly thing, but I used to let it bother me and I’d succumb to feeling like I have to perpetually live in my son’s messes. By not playing on his court, I do not have to live in his pig pen. I do not have to accept his behaviors and allow my own personal energy to be sucked out in the process. I listen to the words coming out of his mouth and understand he is operating from his own story. I tell him I get it but it is not acceptable to disrespect my personal space in the process. The blessing? Understanding how he operates when his own mind is cluttered. Showing him that I get it completely, and that I love and accept him always but cannot accept the behavior. I CHOSE to see the trash incident in a completely different way. I see it as not separate from everything I have been working on but as a test to truly react differently.
Come to find out, my son has been experiencing some issues with co-workers that aren’t unlike my own. What a beautiful opportunity to guide him in a loving way to see his own personal truth in those experiences and not to let them drag his own vibration down.
So I didn’t manifest my million dollars that I think I am supposed to have but I did manifest a little less clutter in my home without having to fight or argue to achieve it. I got him to play MY game in a constructive and positive way. Did I manipulate him? Hell yes I did. But I did it from a source of love rather than a source of anger. As a result, I am not spending this glorious Sunday wallowing in the heaviness of my mud monsters because I chose not to let them enter my being. It was a beautiful test that on some level, I ask to receive.
Instead of labeling my son as a slob, much the same way my father labeled me as half-assed, I was able to see his actions from a deeper level which made him open up. It was an opportunity to teach him the same things I am learning and to face his day with acceptance of his co-worker instead of fabricating dread and negative circumstances that could invade his day. Because I chose to react differently, I received a completely different outcome and help set off a chain reaction that may trickle down to a young woman I do not even know.
What good would that million dollars do me that I want to magically appear in my bank account if I am not going to rise above the negative vibes that keep me in my current imaginary limitations? Surely my subconscious would find a way to make it disappear as quickly as it would arrive. If I bless THAT thought and give my energy there instead of in the negative, who knows would could come my way?
If we have the ability to reorganize our inner programs and our belief systems, can we really change our outer reality? That is exactly what I am working on, one trash bag and one mud monster at a time. I am working so diligently to erase the old patterns and create something in my life that is bigger than what I am now. I want to enjoy my trip and embrace each moment, as it occurs, with grace and love.
Instead of going through my day, focusing on what I do not want, jumping over hurdles, I am seeing through the illusion and believing on a cellular level, that I do not have to be trapped in survival mode. The hurdles are not put in my way to trip me up but to help me leap higher than I could imagine! I can rise above and be in CREATION mode to fulfill my passions and dreams. I can perceive this universe as loving energy, guiding me to be the best person I can be and to encourage others to do the same. Instead of being trapped in self and the story, I can be selfless and giving.
I can “want,” all I want. I can tell myself I am creating what I feel is going to fulfill me BUT if I feel opposition in my body when I think these things, if I do not feel fulfilled NOW, I am not really believing I can make them happen! I am learning to pay attention more deeply to these sensations and to my outward reactions. I am learning that Law of Attraction mumbo jumbo is NOT going to work without that element truly in place and without expressing true gratitude and appreciation for what is in my life NOW!
I can stop my limiting beliefs and negative thoughts (my mud monsters) as quickly as they emerge with my toy laser gun – from wherever I feel them emerging in my body. My little toy laser gun replaces them instantly with loving, swirling light, reminding me of my true energy.
It may all sound like a mind game but let me tell you – I AM BELIEVING it. I wake up with joy in my heart instead of dread. I envision the wonderful circumstances I wish to draw into my life and do not feed the mad dog that wishes to consume me. I give it no energy. When something that I want is not emerging, I do not tell myself, “See, you can’t have it.” Instead, I ask what it is that I still believe that is preventing me from achieving my own greatness. I see what I want to be doing in my mind’s eye and feel as though I am living it NOW.
My own timeline will tell if this new way of thinking and believing will truly change my outer circumstances. I am going to continue on this path, believing that it WILL. I am going to pay attention to the signs I am shown, and continue to peel away the false layers to reveal the person I know I was created to be. I am going to follow my urges and choose to see that the illusive brass ring is really there and I am capable of grabbing it, to go on the most amazing and fun ride of my life.
Instead of resenting the trash and placing judgment on my son, I am full of creative energy, making a glorious cake for my brother’s birthday and infusing it with pure love in its creation to celebrate his life. I am using my example to create this podcast instead of dancing around my lack of balance I’m reveling in discovering MORE of it! It did not take a whole hell of a lot of effort for me to make this shift in thinking. I love it and am devoted to continuing on the new path I am creating.
As reinforcement to myself, in the new me I am creating, I was presented with a challenge last night that mimicked what triggered me a couple weeks back. Instead of feeling unworthy, or in the way, and holding that feeling at my core level, I made a game out of it and put it back on the other person who was trying to dish it out. I made it funny and did not let it affect who I know I am. I felt incredibly light and good instead of heavy and negative. I recognized how I reacted and felt appreciation for the opportunity to test drive my new thinking.
I am ridiculously excited to share in future episodes what emerges. I’d love to hear your story too! Please email me at Lisa@VTBalance.com or leave your comments in itunes, or on the shownotes which I’ll post at VTBalance.com. Join the facebook page!
Thanks for listening to the Seeking Balance A Personal Journey podcast!
Thanks again to Fabrizio Selli for the amazing new intro music!
Until next time, love well my friends.